I have accepted the concept that there is a Higher Power, which actually does exist, who helps me to abstain from chemicals which are medically unwise for me take. Alcohol is totally baffling to my system, as are other mind-altering substances. But I think my concept of mind-altering substances should include caffeine again, because caffeine is once again causing me problems in the insomnia department. I drink one cup, and can’t sleep at night, all of a sudden.
Adopting the whole concept of abstinence from mind-altering chemicals, and giving up all the most popular Western cultural habits, like smoking nicotine, and drinking alcoholic beverages, has all made a big improvement in my physical health, ever since I gave all that stuff up. I’ve somewhat gravitated back to imbibing caffeinated coffee at my therapist’s office, because theoretically caffeine helps me focus, but I’m considering doing away with that practice, too.
When I prayed to my Higher Power to help me stop drinking, there were many times my Higher Power reasoned with me to help keep me safe in my own recovery. I’ve taken on abstaining from caffeinated beverages, in addition to abstaining from nicotine and other mind-altering substances, to enhance my avoidance of taking on chemicals which are not food. I think my sponsor is mistaken about caffeine, the way my therapist is mistaken about the idea. My body is rebelling.
It was only when I began to trust in the concept of a Higher Power, that all of the terrible troubles I could not escape otherwise, started to disappear from my life. I began my adamant practice of abstinence’s in general. I find I have a biochemical problem. Avoid mind-altering chemicals, and then I can enjoy a lot more health and well-being than I ever have before. It’s a simple concept to master. Neither alcohol, nor drugs, nor caffeine, nor nicotine are healthy things for me to use.
This is not a blanket statement for all people. It only applies to me. My body can’t do it.
I’m beginning to gravitate back to drinking caffeine, because my therapist gives it to me, and what I find is that I’m having a lot of cravings for caffeinated beverages at other times than just during psychotherapy. The idea is that I’ve compromised my abstinence, and am not feeling healthy about it. As a matter of fact, I’m beginning to believe I’m powerless over caffeine, that caffeine is the root cause of my insomnia. I believe it would be advisable for me to resume avoiding caffeine.
I don’t mean to be ungrateful for my therapist’s generosity.
But the more I write about it, the more adamant I get. I believe there is a Higher Power, who has all power over biochemical dependencies, and that He is strong enough to help me reestablish any kind of independence I’ll need. I’m back to craving caffeine at the moment. Once again, the key is total abstinence. I’m enjoying my abstinence very well, thank you, but I’m definitely craving caffeine again. I think don’t it’s advisable for me to continue taking caffeinated beverages.
I’m dealing with a craving and a withdrawal.
The human body is a biochemical organism, and must be treated as such. Whenever I have caffeinated beverages, I can’t sleep at night. I mean any caffeinated beverages. It starts with my mind racing in a thousand different directions, and I don’t have as much control over my sleep as I do when I’m totally abstinent. I’ve had so much trouble with insomnia in my adulthood, and have been a lot closer to achieving a good night’s sleep, by avoiding caffeine.
I think it’s time to listen to my own body again, like I’ve always listened to that still, small voice in my heart, whenever I was putting together the infrastructure of my sobriety, in the first place. My body knows what it can stand and what it can’t. I’m particularly sensitive to any biochemical dependency that alters my body chemistry, and I’ve begun to believe that includes caffeine. I was willing to try it again, when I was baffled after being hypnotized in the lobby where I live.
One of the practices of the Activities Department here where I live, is for all the residents in attendance to do chair exercises for a little while every morning. This is beneficial to seniors. What I’ve found is that listening to the ritualistic counting of the number of motions in each exercise is putting me to sleep, or hypnotizing me. My therapist’s response is to make me a cup of caffeinated coffee, but the effect it has on me is that sometime after I drink the coffee, I’m up all night.
I don’t believe I should continue the practice of drinking caffeinated coffee, at any dosage level, because my body is craving it so much, as well as the issue of involuntarily losing a night’s sleep over it. I’m having to make adjustments for the chemical dependence, and specifically ignore the craving. I find that it doesn’t really help my writing, either, to subject my body to another chemical. I find myself craving to drink coffee at all hours, when I had conquered the whole craving in the first place.
I think my use of coffee and sodas is worth avoiding. I haven’t had a stable night’s sleep, ever since I’ve gone back to one cup per week. At sometime in the past, my use of caffeinated beverages became unhealthy for me, and it still is. What’s more is that I don’t believe that re-instituting my usage of such things for any reason would be a good idea for me to continue. I’m writing all this to send to my therapist, so she can avoid wasting a cup of coffee on me, when I go see her again.