This afternoon proves to be an entirely different sort of day than the morning has been, now peppered with some over-cast in the skies and some noticeable chill in the air inside. As a contrast, this morning was rich with abundant sunshine and abundant blue skies over head. Chilling is exactly the expression for what I’m doing, making every effort to remain cool, calm, and collected.
My friend has gotten himself in trouble, I’m afraid. He said he had four Coors to drink, over a Facebook statement he made the other day, and the fact that he’s feeling desperately lonely for the company of his woman, trying with some futility to live by himself, out in the woods, with his bow to hunt with is not working for him. Well, I know the guy, and I understand the territory very well.
I’ve put together 30 years of unrelenting sobriety, and better than 40 years of bachelorhood.
It’s not that the woman’s gone, or that he has to live in the woods in a place where deer seldom go. It’s that he’s disposed of his sobriety and offended the Holy One. Those things are a lot more easily given up, than they are achieved once again. That man is feeling sorry for himself, because of something he’s done to himself to cause him to walk out from under the shelter of his Maker.
His forfeited his Spiritual umbrella.
His Maker may see to it that no game comes anywhere near his hunting blind.
He is able.
My old friend’s had enough experience with sobriety and drunkenness, to have learned the difference between enjoying the abundance of his Maker, and the deprivation of his present circumstances. The word, “Lord,” means “giver of food,” or “loaf giver,” and no one can transgress his personal miracle without dire consequences, which run deep into the fabric of a man’s lifestyle.
I know whereof I speak.
My friend has done just exactly what I knew he was likely to talk himself into doing, an entire year ago or so. He’s given himself permission to relinquish the hard earned and desperately needed sobriety he so sparingly had achieved for himself, and he’s sacrificed the very fragile abstinence he’s had a tendency to want to talk himself out of for a very long time now.
He accomplished it with his own hand.
He drank beer.
What’s worse than that is that he may be one of the many drunks who is constitutionally incapable of being honest with himself. The literature gives a warning about that type of alcoholic in so many words, and that poor guy just happened to have been a Big Book thumper, when what he really needed to become, was a friend to the Holy One.
He should have made God his closest friend.
That’s what I’ve done.
You see, sobriety is not a game to be toyed with as many times as you feel like toying with it, betting that you can come back to sobriety later on. Sobriety is a gift from Almighty God, and Almighty God is not someone to be trifled with. Either a person is going to except his miracle, and take that miracle seriously, or Almighty God is not going to be willing to be bothered with him.
Sobriety, for a true alcoholic, really boils down to that one, common denominator. There were those out in the country, up in Maryland where I’m from, who wanted to believe that I stopped coming to meetings because I went out and cashed in my sobriety, for some irrational reason. But what they didn’t realize is that I have a made solid relationship with God, who keeps me sober in all adversity.
What happened to me in 2010 was that I became too confused, by my chronic insomnia, and frequent isolation, that I became incapable of understanding how to take my medications accurately. The results were inevitable. I overdosed on my meds, because I was too confused to do anything else. The doctors put me in a rehab, in order to monitor me medically, while I detoxed from my meds.
The next thing that happened was that I fell and broke my right hip, necessitating that I give up driving a car, and give up living alone in the community. Because I inadvertently OD’d on my meds, I found it necessary to go live in a group home. Since I was unable to drive any longer, I was forced, by circumstance, to avoid going to meetings of the Program out in the country anymore.
I had no choice. I have a bad right hip. I had no ride to get myself to meetings, and my sleep schedule, after I’d gotten to the group home, improved slowly. I found myself forfeiting all of my treasures and sundry possessions, because I lost the cognitive acumen to arrange to keep my things. The Holy One was teaching me something about having possessions.
Tomorrow’s coming, with two hungry blogs to feed, and I want to feed them both, if at all possible. Whenever I’m given the choice to only have enough material to service one out of the two blogs, I choose to feed my Random Thoughts, because there I’ve got my friend definitely reading my writing. I find I like the idea of as many people reading what I write as I can put together.
I’ve essentially given up on writing 5K word short stories for Amazon. They aren’t really moving anyway, even though I’ve done my best to point the public in the direction of my best stories, I’m solely writing blog posts now, and giving the writing away, with an eye to write two different entries on a regular basis.
This requires a little more diligence on my part, but I find myself rising to the occasion.
I’m just going to sit here and chill, until I feel like going downstairs.
Looking out the window on this occasion, I find myself comforted by the woods outside my window, even though I had suspected that I might feel cheated by having such a meager collection of woods to be referred to as my own wilds, on a regular basis. On the contrary, I feel significantly comforted by the collection of woods outside the window where I sit, writing so often, the way I do.
The fact that my friend has forfeited his sobriety is not my problem. The fact that my enemies won’t leave me alone is not my problem, either. I’m a man for all seasons, and a man to stand up and be counted during all sorts of adversity. I’ll chose whatever’s the next thing for me to focus on, and I won’t be led astray by anymore nonsense from somebody who cannot comprehend that things are over with.
I’ve tiptoed around and been all nice, kind and caring long enough. I’ve been regularly and unjustly mistreated by abusive people, and refuse to put up with anymore mistreatment from anyone. I’m all through. I’ve listened to the consequences of rejecting a ruthless person. I’ve heard about the consequences of scorning a person, and I’ve positively refused to be party to any of it. That person can just go ahead and rant and rave.
I am not a part of that person’s life, and that’s final.