The one major thing I’d like to write about in my blog regularly, is that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. It doesn’t mean I’m crazy. It just means I need to take medications and see a doctor regularly. The media – even my own publisher – don’t like to face the realities of a chemical imbalance in the brain, they’d rather fantasize about horror and sci fi, than research the truth about schizophrenia. I’ve done forty years of field research about it, and I’m going to write about it here, daily. I’m a writer. Get over it.
Schizophrenia is an hereditary thing. I got the bad gene thru my dad, thru his mom’s side of the family, and I had a traumatic experience when I was 20 yrs old. That’s all it takes, and I’ll have it till the day I die. Schizophrenia is incurable. If medial science could cure it, I would be cured by now, but I’ve been taking medication ever since I was 20. It’s chronic.
One thing I learned a long time ago, is that I cannot – I dare not – take alcohol with the condition I’ve got. The results have been disastrous in the past – in my life, that’s where. Another thing I found out from an MD, is that taking my psych meds for 40 yrs has wrecked my liver. Go figure that one out. The thing that helps my mental health is probably going to kill me, with liver failure if nothing else, one of these days. You can’t win for loosing in this world. So, I’ve got a liver problem, and an edema problem – swelling in my extremities from fluid backup, since my liver does not process fluids the way it’s supposed to. I dare not have caffeine, either.
I even quit smoking last year. I’m cleaning up my side of the street. I was a chain smoker, and have Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, or COPD. The last time I smoked a cigarette, I passed out in an elevator. Can’t have that now, can we?
I have a whole bunch of stories about the state hospital, but my publisher just doesn’t seem to want to run with the ball and publish them for me. There’s this big stigma about mental illness in our society, and I’m a writer. I want to fly in the face of the stigma. I just want to. There are millions of people with various forms of chemical imbalances in their brains, and many never go see a doctor. Many others do things like beat their kids and their wives. I watched my schizophrenic father do all that domestic violence crap when I was a kid, and I promised myself I’d be a passive person. By enlarge, I’ve kept that promise. So the one thing I want to be, I am. The bad habits I picked up, trying to self-medicate, I’ve put down. Not a bad track record, as far as I can think.
The thing I used to do when I was young was to try to make myself feel better by taking substances: like taking a drink or a drug. It didn’t really work. I ended up with clinical paranoia and all these other health problems. I didn’t know which way to turn to get enough food to eat, not to mention getting on other people’s nerves right and left. I’d end up in a state hospital, and get three hots and a cot for awhile, and I got so I never wanted to leave. The last time I was in a state hospital, I think I was in for better than two years, on a couple of doctor’s certificates. The thing that won me my freedom was getting sober and staying sober. The other thing which has won me my health is I stopped smoking cigarettes. I’m a lot healthier since. My body generally functions better, and if it weren’t for my artificial hip, that I got last year, I think I’d be in the pink of health in every way – for a man who has a few chronic conditions.
That’s right, I have a few chronic conditions. Alcoholism, schizophrenia, and Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, not to mention Cirrhosis of the liver. I read like a medical journal. The Medicare and Care First/Blue Cross programs have been reading the writings on the walls of doctors’ bills for a lifetime. Can you feature a man who can write like this, and still has all this stuff to slow him down? What my friends in the Program can’t figure out is how I managed to stay sober almost 30 yrs. Well, that’s not a hard question. I really have had a spiritual experience. I frequently have spiritual experiences.
I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to present that which He has promised against that day. I’m going to Heaven, and all hell can’t stop me from going. I’m a conqueror of addictions, and I’m foraging ahead with better physical and mental health than ever before. If I have to carry the torch of deliverance in this blog, to open the eyes of the populous about a chemical imbalance in the brain, I’ll do it. You don’t have to read it. But I do have to write it. I did this with another issue on another medium a long time ago, and the results have been phenomenal. No kidding. I’m a gentleman, and a writer. Anyone wonder what happened to me, well, just keep reading.